| From: | H I M |
| Date: | 6/8/2026 11:33:42 AM |
| Sent To: | BRITT |
Attachments: | Shawn.jpg |
| Hey Britt- Congrats on the job and im seriously happy for you- You’re basically 2 weeks out. As far as drugs? They were never an issue- the people that used them around me- were what got me here. So to your answer to your question? NO I don’t use like that and never have. I’ve never tried or wanted to use anything other than what you witnessed when we met. I don’t think in chunks of weeks rn- so employment is not on the horizon. I lost my job here- only because it was in a small town. It made the news cycle. In LA this would have been like getting a DUI- no one would have given a shit and my job would never have been affected. Staying clean is not an issue- this was a set up so a CI could continue breaking the law and making dirty deals. The entire local community- legal as well as illegal- are very aware of that. My Body of work stands on it’s own merit- and TBH? I’m glad it happened. I should pay attention to observations I wrote about on OSH Here is a snippet from a post: (Refer to the Title Cover Below) “They are the Walking Dead … so to speak. People that have negotiated an exchange of power with a very powerful drug, to become more emotional, with less dispassionate extremes of their root personalities. Meth doesn’t make people good or bad… It just accelerates bad people to become more craven, and good people to become more like sheep.” _____________________________________ My mistake was actually believing that all people are inherently good. I always looked for that side of them- It was my own stupidity that injected trust into relationships that were based on my need for intimacy- which is a strong need- but can’t compete with their need to get high asf- and steal as much from me as possible. Their dedication to greed and drugs- far exceeded my ability to see them for what they truly are- to the point that even now? After being this wounded and destroyed? I still remain incapable of calling them what they truly are. It’s not my nature to hate or destroy someone because of an addiction or that they weren’t blessed with intelligence or good looks. To allow that hate into my heart to where it becomes a personal dissection of the worthlessness of someone that has fucked me over? Well that would diminish my own personal code that has taken me through life. And THAT would be a far more serious disintegration as to how how I view my purpose for “being”. I wasn’t put on this earth to make money and buy buy useless cool shit- I was put here to keep people alive whether through medical skill or intervention, or the acts of kindness that are given so rarely to those that need it the most. I am proud of the lives I have helped to continue- But I am more proud of the grace I have shown people that even by their own admission and actions- know they don’t deserve or haven’t earned. _____________________________________ Grace under pressure– That is what I will always strive for. In a world where you can be anything? Why not be kind? Kindness isn’t like air- something that we need to live and is always available. Kindness isn’t free even though it should be. It breathes the energy released around the chemistry of of despair. There is no particular vapor to it, no balance of cause and effect to construe or predict it’s consequences. It is a lightening bolt that just arrives when there was no guest list, uninvited and now in it’s aftermath? An indispensable 2nd chance when there wasn’t even a 1st chance to begin with. Kindness is the unexpected seat– at a table that never saw you on the guest list. Kindness is the mirror that doesn’t flinch even when you are fat, ugly, dirty, unintelligent, unwanted, dishonest, or unremarkable. It takes a back seat to the obvious, and allows you to see yourself 10 years younger than you truly are. _____________________________________ And why is that? That 10 years is your protective armor to a self-induced battle of your own making. It gives you the dignity in your mind at least, of pulling the trigger first- allowing you to accept your self isolation as being a choice you made, as opposed to a locked cradle that others have placed you in, with a key they choose not to use. The true act of kindness here? Would be not to give you that key- it would be to throw away the mirror. Meth- throws away that mirror. Kindness is never fickle, not predictable, ever elusive, never a sure thing. It most often lends itself randomly and unexpectedly. But the impression it leaves is unforgettable. That is the strength of it’s bond. That is it’s super power. So Yeah- it reshapes two of the most significant 4-letter words in our Urban Dictionary. It untwists Hate to unfurl Hope… I can live without hate Britt. | |
Our Secret Highway 
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